70 Ways To Obsess Over Death Note Characters
by xXGoody Not-So-Great MeXx
Summary: Why not? Surely every true Death Note fan goes father than just buying plushies, right? Well, here's some official ways to obsess over said characters! Why not create habits similiar to your fave Death Note Characters! Features Many! Enjoy!
1. Light

70 Ways To Obsess Over Death Note Characters

Dear Reader,

I'm sure you've watched all the Death Note anime in both sub and dub, plus have read the manga, collected plushies, drawn, and maybe even dreamt fantasies over one or more characters. So, this fic goes out to all that have, or will, or have just thought of doing so.

The following processes may be hazardous to your health and other surrounding pedestrians so when you're thinking about becoming a suicide bomber, please do so in a non populated area!

Or maybe when you take up smoking and playing video games as an OCD like Matt, beware of cancer and seizures. You have been warned so, these are some habits to create to display your affection for all characters of Death Note!

Attention: I don't own Death Note but, some ideas I've made up for obsession purposes, then yes, I do own those.

* * *

Chapter One: Light

First Way To Obsess Over Light

Take up becoming a serial killer. If you aren't that dedicated in trying to rid the world of evil then purchase a cheap paperback notebook and paint in your best handwriting the Death Note title across the front! Perhaps writing down your ex's name or whoever you despise that has injured humanity.

Warning: Don't get too carried away because once your parents find said 'Death Note' then, you're likely to be staring at ink blots in the next week or so along with attending therapy sessions and taking antipsychotic meds.

* * *

Second Way To Obsess Over Light

Begin talking to an imaginary shinigami! Maybe create a name and have conversations with said god of death. There are endless possibilities when you have a friend who cannot be seen by the general public and reads people's death dates!

Warning: Once again, therapy is something your parents may issue as only six and seven year olds have imaginary friends. But, adding the description of a dead creature that floats around going to neither heaven nor hell, yeah, they have meds for that too!

Warning: The use of medication without real purpose isn't healthy…

* * *

Third Way To Obsess Over Light

Dress up as a wannabe businessman! Prep your hair carefully and prestigiously into place, compulsively looking in every reflective surface to catch a glimpse of your own face. Buy several ties and business shirts and pants while throwing away your jeans and band shirts.

Warning: Becoming conceited with your own looks can create social barriers between your friends and you. If you prize your autographed band shirts and numerous frayed jeans then you may reconsider trashing them.

* * *

Fourth Way To Obsess Over Light

Develop a hate for insomniac detectives who love sweets! Glare daggers and the first panda eyed person who see and make your displeasure of being around them obvious. Try to create a tense silence between the two of you and make them waver first.

Warning: Isn't disliking insomniacs a stereotypical thing? Once again, don't go around hating on others without knowing first hand that you may lower your social standings.

Warning: Don't be disappointed when you don't discover an insomniac L-like person at first! Remember, they usually aren't in public often which makes it an even greater challenge!

* * *

Fifth Way To Obsess Over Light

Change your last name to Yagami, legally that is. So, when you go to do so wherever, and if they ask why you want to have a Japanese last name, just glare hatefully and flip your hair.

Warning: Yagami equals 'Im A Gay' which means, whenever your friends discover this fact, yeah, humiliation will become an ally! That also means another name for your Death Note!

* * *

Sixth Way To Obsess Over Light

Develop a competitive tennis hobby in which you hate to lose. Challenge all your opponents and come out victorious, then gloat about your win over some coffee.

Tip: Make sure to practice sufficiently to become good enough to confront someone. Maybe a local gym?

Warning: Don't go around shunning people you know that could beat you and/or kick your ass. If you know you won't be the winner of the match, don't try! It ruins the image!

* * *

Seventh Way To Obsess Over Light

Become a goody goody in front of your parents and make up excuse to blame others! What a better way to impress you father than to act like they've always wanted you to. Try to whine and get your way like a little child!

Tip: Anime tears always improve a begging session. But, don't glare hatefully if they don't buy it.

Warning: Being a suck up will not get you far…especially when it comes to ditching your friends and blaming them for shit they didn't do. Not recommended for people who value sentimental things such as friendships.

* * *

Eighth Way To Obsess Over Light

Become a quick thinker so when you have to plan your serial killer murders ahead of time, you won't get caught in doing so! Refer to how Light, in the anime, thinks quickly trying to remove himself as a suspect!

Tip: Try making lists! Lists always help when it comes to making sufficiently devious plans!

Warning: Please don't try this when you have long term memory loss because all hope isn't going to make you remember what plan you concocted a year ago!

* * *

Ninth Way To Obsess Over Light

Worship the almighty potato chip! Perhaps you should reenact said clip when Light oh-so brilliantly cherishes and laughs over his line, "I will take a potato chip…and EAT IT!" Yeah, make sure to dramatically pause before you take a bite.

Tip: Make sure the potato chips are regular flavored! It won't be script-like when you crunch on a barbeque chip instead of the original!

Warning: Are we seriously back on the whole therapy consequence and medications shit? Well, when your mom or dad comes home from work to find you video taping yourself cackling evilly and laughing so hard you start spitting pieces of chips out onto your desk then, yeah!

* * *

Tenth Way To Obsess Over Light

Make yourself the god of a new world! Defeat all evil on earth and become the ruler of a peaceful world!

Tip: You may need a lot of self confidence and self esteem to go through with this…so, join boot camp to build character!

Tip: Scratch that, they don't allow people to read fanfiction and obsess over animes in boot camp, I think.

Warning: If you somehow do succeed, don't be disappointed when you find that people are mortally afraid of you and worship the ground you spit on out of fear, not respect.

Warning: Becoming a dictator will take away much of your free time when you're ridding the world of evil! Therefore, you will no longer have the leisure of reading stories, fancying over Death Note characters, or whatever things you like to do!

* * *

I am very surprised at my lack of creativity actually…It is exactly 8:46 p.m. when I finished typing this chapter up. So, not to put my efforts in vain…review? Pretty please with Mello shaped sprinkles on top? Near formed marshmallows? Eh, Matt shaped gummy bears?...I give up…


	2. L

* * *

70 Ways To Obsess Over Death Note Characters

Dear Reader,

I'm sure you've watched all the Death Note anime in both sub and dub, plus have read the manga, collected plushies, drawn, and maybe even dreamt fantasies over one or more characters. So, this fic goes out to all that have, or will, or have just thought of doing so.

The following processes may be hazardous to your health and other surrounding pedestrians so when you're thinking about becoming a suicide bomber, please do so in a non populated area!

Or maybe when you take up smoking and playing video games as an OCD like Matt, beware of cancer and seizures. You have been warned so, these are some habits to create to display your affection for all characters of Death Note!

Attention: I don't own Death Note but, some ideas I've made up for obsession purposes, then yes, I do own those.

Chapter Two: L

* * *

First Way To Obsess Over L

Start sitting like L! The first thing you ever need to do to begin feeling like L is if you increase your deductive reasoning skills is sitting properly in your chair!

Tip: Balance is key! Take it from a pro at landing face first! You MUST make your weight go back! Not Forwards! If you don't you'll wind up with a broken and bandaged nose where Ryuk will laugh endlessly!

Warning: This may cause some long term back injury! So, if you wanna become a hunched back person then, forward ho!

Warning: People may start talking about you behind your back about your insanity and your new weird sitting habit.

* * *

Second Way To Obsess Over L

L's love of sweets is admirable! So, hire a butler to bring you your strawberry cake and tea with sugar cubes whenever you desire!

Warning: Not everyone burns off calories using their brains! So, when you step up onto the scale, don't start complaining when the dial has shot up ten pounds!

Warning: Two words, Sugar High. Everyone should be aware of what happens when certain people eat too much of the sweet stuff…things may get a little hyper.

Warning: There is a lot of health risks associated with this addiction/habit! Some include obesity, addiction, heart attack, stroke, and even diabetes! You are at a high chance of your wellbeing becoming in danger!

* * *

Third Way To Obsess Over L

Insomniac style! Toss away your pillows and pajamas and begin your 24/7 on-the-go life! Ditching the eight recommended hours of sleep or the six hours needed for the brain to function normally will allow you the time to search the internet without a scheduled time to get off the web!

Tip: This is where all that sugar comes along!

Warning: Staying up numerous hours without rest makes you lose coordination and thinking skills! You will most likely become sluggish and unmotivated along with sketchy clumsiness!

Warning: Your grades in school may be going down the drain! Mommy and Daddy wouldn't be so proud when you begin yelling profanities at a lamp shade thinking it is your little brother!

* * *

Fourth Way To Obsess Over L

What is L's whole meaning as a detective? Of course! It's to bring justice to the world! Which means you're gonna solve crimes for the better good of mankind!

Tip: Law school…very boring yet helpful.

Tip: Try coming up with several aliases to not get yourself killed.

Warning: Busting people can end in your sure doom! Because, tattling on the kid next door for kicking your puppy after it pees on his grandma's garden gnome isn't a federal offense…but it's a start!

Warning: Make sure your outlooks on justice aren't about murdering the bad guys like Imagay's perspective!

* * *

Fifth Way To Obsess Over L

Applying mathematical calculations to come up with nearly every answer possible! Using percents is great when wanting to make yourself seem superior to others around you!

Tip: Calculators are your best friend when you have a brain fart you know.

Tip: Maybe not sleeping during math class and actually learning the basic percents will help.

Warning: The terms Nerd and Geek may be your new nicknames once you break out in gym, calculating the perimeter of the goal and your positions while screaming percentages at random people on your team!

* * *

Sixth Way To Obsess Over L

L feels real strongly about his displeasure towards poor Matsuda…which includes you making fun of all your classmates who are utterly useless!

Tip: Don't shun jocks that could gang up on you and kick your ass.

Tip: Go for the geography nerds and English geeks that play chess every Thursday at the Retirement home who try desperately to hold a conversation with some ninety year old couple in the rocking chair outside.

Tip: Don't hate on Emos and Goths who could shank you with a knife...multiple times.

Warning: Make sure you don't offend the guy in the corner who wears the chains with the Mohawk and is a total loner! Remember! A badass who is actually badass is not a poser! Even if he does epically fail and resembles Matsuda.

* * *

Seventh Way To Obsess Over L

Point guns at people! Remember when L first meets the Task Force! He brings out the hand guns with the, "Bang! Bang! Bang!" So, whenever you see someone and they're walking up to you smiling with their hands out introducing themselves, teach them a lesson! Correct them by displaying what could happen in a situation as such.

Warning: Hmmm, whenever you go up to receive some reward and you're supposed to shake the guy with a bow tie's hand, to save yourself the embarrassment, keep the whole hand gesture thing an inside joke.

Warning: On second thought, give it a go!

* * *

Eighth Way To Obsess Over L

Start to analyze everyone around you! Watch them intently, processing their every move and see how long it takes until they're officially creeped out! Maybe stand off to the side staring purposefully at their every action then pointing out even the simplest of flaws!

Tip: Try keeping a nonchalant appearance throughout because if you begin to crack up laughing at their freaked face then it spoils the attempt!

Warning: Don't stare at people who are known to get irritated easily because anger management dropouts aren't easy prey to decipher when you have a punch in a gut and a gun to your throat!

* * *

Ninth Way To Obsess Over L

Everyone hates to lose, right?! Well, in the process of worshipping and obsessing over L, you should consider how he always comes out on top. He hates losing a contest like a lot of people. So, to be just like him, you have to strive to be number one!

Tip: Practice makes perfection along with steroids and energy drinks!

Warning: No one's perfect so don't get your hopes up when your first say, twenty attempts fail and then you get your ass handed to you the next ten or so because, definition through humiliation!

* * *

Tenth Way To Obsess Over L

Creating a task force for an investigation! Try building a special room to conduct meetings in a secluded area in which no outsiders are allowed in without authorization. Being the lead investigator is the very highest in the ranks you know!

Tip: Leadership skills are handy when you have to attend meetings…on time.

Warning: Don't be too bossy or you might find yourself fired to the majority of your coworkers! Think about their feelings or else they may embarrass you during your coffee break!

Warning: Respect others ideas too! Seriously, getting gang raped or beaten to a bloody pulp for being a stereotypical/hypocritic/racist/sexist/pyscho whatever during meetings is NOT a good thing! Use the power in a less controlling, and more productive way, people or else you might find yourself in a hospital bed for intensive care! Think about the hospital bill!!

* * *

Wellp, L Lawliet's obsessive ways have now been finished being typed at exactly 4:40 p.m. I feel so accomplished! Guess who's next and I'll give you a cookie! But, to tell me your guess then you have to review, so, review!...Please?

And that's twenty down for those of you keeping count to see how long it'll take before my ideas get terribly unfunny and hard to listen to!


	3. Mello

70 Ways To Obsess Over Death Note Characters

Dear Reader,

I'm sure you've watched all the Death Note anime in both sub and dub, plus have read the manga, collected plushies, drawn, and maybe even dreamt fantasies over one or more characters. So, this fic goes out to all that have, or will, or have just thought of doing so.

The following processes may be hazardous to your health and other surrounding pedestrians so when you're thinking about becoming a suicide bomber, please do so in a non populated area!

Or maybe when you take up smoking and playing video games as an OCD like Matt, beware of cancer and seizures. You have been warned so, these are some habits to create to display your affection for all characters of Death Note!

Attention: I don't own Death Note but, some ideas I've made up for obsession purposes, then yes, I do own those.

* * *

Chapter Four: Mello

First Way To Obsess Over Mello

Joining the Mafia can be a very good relationship with Mello, you know! He would be proud, and most likely turned on, at your courage and kickass ways!

Tip: Learn to kick people's asses!

Tip: Talk street!

Warning: You're NOT going to a convention for wannabe murderers for hire! That means, don't dress up badass and then head over there talking about the new manga chapter of an anime! Just think about when they bring out their pistols and machine guns!

Warning: There are many bad things that happen to people in gangs, cults, and mafias, one of which is gang rape! Be very careful when you walk into a base full of alleged felons and benefited criminals! Remember to wear your biker boots and carry a spork ready to castrate the little demons!

* * *

Second Way To Obsess Over Mello

Develop a hate for albino kids who love toys! I know, you're probably wondering where the hell you're gonna find an albino to torture and try to succeed but, that is a problem that must be fixed somehow! Maybe try bleach blondes?

Tip: Try stalking your potential albino kid and breaking down their dice tower or stomping on their action figures and Barbie dolls!

Warning: Once again, just like the insomniac problem, don't let your disappointment be visible once you find that there aren't any albinos in your area or whatever! Stalk your victims!

* * *

Third Way To Obsess Over Mello

Wear tight leather clothes just like Mello! Deck out in black to make a statement! Lookin' hot and badass is very informal to people before confrontations!

Tip: Try not to blind people if you are one of the people who really shouldn't be wearing tight clothes…actually, love handles are very, uh, flattering? Hmmm, try working out before slipping on the leather, m'kay?

Warning: Chaffing! Ugh, wearing leather in the summer is a big no-no! If you don't, you may have to revert to wearing sweats and t-shirts, just saying! Sooo, try sticking to the leather in the winter months!

* * *

Fourth Way To Obsess Over Mello

Obsessing over chocolate like Mello does is a good way to have something in common too! Surely you can both indulge yourselves in chocolate together, right?!

Tip/Warning: Don't take Mello's chocolate once you run out! Very, very bad things will go on behind close doors…

Warning: 'BEWARE OF PYSCHOPATHIC BLONDES WITHOUT CHOCOLATE' is the sign bleeping above your head once you see Mello in a real pissed off mood!

* * *

Fifth Way To Obsess Over Mello

Think badass thoughts and be a total badass! I know I say Mello is all badass and shit, right? So, it is true! I am the almighty what-some-uh-call-it! Be badass so, gang up on some pathetic kid down the street (refer to the puppy kicking! In chapter two!), and, beat the holy shit out of 'em! They deserve it deep down, you know it! Also, think uhhh, badass thoughts like gang rape, drug outfits, high speed chases!

Tip: Remember not to turn into that glomp of goop over there in the corner imagining Mello when he has his badass moments!

Warning: If you want to become a teacher or something, you know you can't have a criminal record right?

Warning: Speaking of criminal records, say cheese to the cameras cause once you carry out the whole badass stuff then you will be the headliners of the newspapers and tv! Yay for public scrutiny!

* * *

Sixth Way To Obsess Over Mello

Get a scar on your face, resembling Mello's! You'll be like…blood brothers or something of that nature! How cool will that be! Think of the pain man! The burning of flesh and muscle tissue! What about the stank?! No backing out DUDE!!

Tip: Try sticking the side of your face in a fireplace!

Tip: Maybe a blow torch will be of assistance?

Tip: Have a friend carry out the deed by cautiously taking a cigarette lighter and burning yourself gradually! It'll be fun for them and a burning hell for you!

Warning: Burning yourself hurts! So when you're ready to lay your face down on a stove burner, make sure you have a friend there to watch, laugh hysterically, and take pictures to post on Google!

Warning: Uh, setting yourself on fire is a suicide attempt which is-that means you're gonna have to take some meds! Like ant-psychotic medications! The wonderful world of pharmacies!

Warning: You don't wanna get facial reconstruction or plastic surgery do ya?! Well, you might as well dial the damn nearest surgeon's office if you're actually dumbass enough to carry out burning yourself!

Warning: Mello may not dig people with scars! So, think of the humiliation!!!

* * *

Seventh Way To Obsess Over Mello

Be a very temperamental and an emotional person! So, ranting on endlessly about some situation pissing you off is totally normal!

Tip: Try yelling and screaming bloody murder while throwing punches and flailing your arms vigorously!

Warning: Having these little 'fits' may make people think of you as emotionally unstable, crazy, etc, as always.

Warning: Weird doesn't hurt people! It only temporarily blinds them into gouging their eyes out with plastic spoons and plugging their ears with Styrofoam!

* * *

Eighth Way To Obsess Over Mello

Do slow motions whenever for dramatic effects! You know how Mello epically eats his chocolate in the anime! It's so hot…anyways! Just like with Dark Imagay! You must video tape yourself in your little 'scenes' while deliciously devouring, slowly, the chocolate!

Tip: Practice self control! Don't eat the whole chocolate bar before the camera has captured one frame! It's inhuman!

Warning: There really isn't any warnings except for the whole 'parents find you and go see therapist now' scenario…which, we've already covered!

* * *

Ninth Way To Obsess Over Mello

Kidnap people for your attempts at defeating your mortal foes such as albinos who enjoy toys! Just like Takada, Sayu, and that other dude, make your presence known and try to, uh, take charge of the abductions?

Tip: Wear a ski mask!

Tip: Be like Mello and wear the motorcycle helmet!

Warning: Gah! Helmet hair! Oh the inhumanity!!

Warning: Kidnapping is a federal offense I do suppose.

Warning: Make sure to take the victim away from their parent's home! You don't wanna have a bullet in your head when daddy finds you!

* * *

Tenth Way To Obsess Over Mello

Die purposefully knowing that to win you have to also lose. It is both touching, and epically tragic! You know, that takes a lot of selflessness!

Tip: Know what you're dying for.

Tip: Make sure that afterward, your death isn't going in vain.

Warning: Killing yourself is your own suicide! Do you value you pathetic life enough to know that they're actually gonna be people who miss you?! Think about the kids, whoever your name is! Sadly, that really wasn't the right catch phrase but, whatever, it works!

* * *

5:56pm, finally! I'm done with this chapter! I can't believe only one person guessed right! So, you guys want me to put in a chapter with Ryuk? OKAY! That is going to be…interesting! So, guess who's next (HINT: IT IS NOT RYUK!!) and I'll try and update as soon as humanly possible!


	4. MisaMisa

* * *

70 Ways To Obsess Over Death Note Characters

Dear Reader,

I'm sure you've watched all the Death Note anime in both sub and dub, plus have read the manga, collected plushies, drawn, and maybe even dreamt fantasies over one or more characters. So, this fic goes out to all that have, or will, or have just thought of doing so.

The following processes may be hazardous to your health and other surrounding pedestrians so when you're thinking about becoming a suicide bomber, please do so in a non populated area!

Or maybe when you take up smoking and playing video games as an OCD like Matt, beware of cancer and seizures. You have been warned so, these are some habits to create to display your affection for all characters of Death Note!

Attention: I don't own Death Note but, some ideas I've made up for obsession purposes, then yes, I do own those.

* * *

Chapter Three: Misa-Misa

(Who would want to?! O.o)

* * *

First Way To Obsess Over Misa

Gothic Lolita style clothing is a must do for all obsessive fans of Misa Amane! So, to do so you need to buy stockings, boots, and Lolita dresses to wear out in the everyday public to soothe your longing for attention!

Tip: Normal department stores probably don't sell maid outfits but try online shops!

Warning: People may begin to get the impression that you're some kid trying to get attention by dressing uniquely.

* * *

Second Way to Obsess Over Misa

You all know how Misa attempts to sound cute when she talks in third person, right? Well, if she can do it, so can you! Just drop out all the I's, me's, and us/we's in all your sentences! How fun will that be?!

Tip: Practicing your cute talk in the mirror will make you notice how you look and what others may think.

Warning: English teachers do NOT like people talking in third person. Hell, no one in their right state of mind will be able to tolerate having a conversation with the equivalency of a three year old!

* * *

Third Way To Obsess Over Misa

Worship Kira! Totally disregard the fact that he's a murdering psychopathic nimrod that wants to become the ruler of a new world!

Warning: People knowing that you worship a murderer may seem…weird to them. Because usually when they know someone who kills people they either 1) get the hell away from said psychopath or 2) call the local authorities…scratch that, dial up the bomb squads!

* * *

Fourth Way To Obsess Over Misa

Fall madly in love with Light Imagay! We've all watched the anime (hopefully) and we've all seen how Misa fell head over heals for Light so, why not? Worshipping one person while acting like another only makes being obsessive easier!

Warning: Clinginess is not always welcomed. Especially when your boyfriend/girlfriend finds out that you're in love with a fictional character from an anime!

* * *

Fifth Way To Obsess Over Misa

L, a pervert?! Of course he is in Misa's views! You totally thinking L is some old pervert makes you even think like Misa-Misa!

Warning: Once again, if you see someone resembling L (Panda Man) then feel free to call them a pervert but I can assure you, you will earn some looks of confusion and/or other emotions.

* * *

Sixth Way To Obsess Over Misa

Can't hold your alcohol? Exactly how Misa Amane is! Check back to when she talked with Takada and she got herself wasted! So, buy some wine and give it a go!

Tip: The more you drink, the tipsier you'll get!

Warning: Parents may not approve of this, Dur!

Warning: Never drink and drive, it may end in your death (which will come soon enough, ^^)

* * *

Seventh Way To Obsess Over Misa

Become preppy with the squeal/girly voice! You would be irressistable when others hear of your squeals from a five mile radius from where you are when you find a adorable pair of high heels or the perfect ring for when Light proposes (after he's been blackmailed) to you.

Tip: Be very cheerful! Maybe a sugar high to keep your senses acute and your vibrating happiness intact?

Tip: Anyways, when the dolphins at the local aquarium begin to answer your 'mating calls' remember to not get in the water.

Warning: Some people don't want or need to hear your screeches…so, think of others or duct tape will be used…a lot.

Warning: When bats start diving downward and circling your head, you'll be proud enough to know that you've successfully learned echolocation!

Warning: The highest pitch of your voice shouldn't reach the octave of a damn dog whistle! You shall be warned; random street dogs aren't only ferocious Rottweilers and mixed up inbred mutts, beware of rabid Poodles and haywire Chihuahuas.

* * *

Eighth Way To Obsess Over Misa

Hate Kyomi Takada…with a passion! Just think back to all the times when Takada had talked with Light and totally disses Misa! Remember that you shall worship the ground Misa walks…and to act like her, you must express your hatred to anyone who defies her!

Tip: Just find some random person who resembles the hoe and call them something mean!

Warning: When trying to outsmart Takada, always try and contain your alcohol! Don't act like a total dumbass and drink a bunch of wine while having a conversation!

Warning: Hmm, some Takada fans (is there a such thing?!) may want to gang up and beat you to an inch near death! Sooo, keep out a watchful eye!

Warning: When fangirls attack. Run. Like. Hell. Simple as that. Cause them girlies with the voodoo dolls and filed nails to a sickening point will not resist and refrain from torturing you! Again! You have been warned…

* * *

Ninth Way To Obsess Over Misa

Wear your hair in weird way to attract unneeded attention! You must wear your hair in an odd fashion after all that time you spent on prepping up your clothes and peppy attitude! What seals the envelope package more than some funky pigtails?

Tip: While your at it…dye your hair blonde! Everyone looks more bubbly when they're a blonde!

Warning: We've already reached the point where you are assured to be ridiculed by the fact you're obsessing over Misa in the first place, but once again, I shall have to repeat myself!

Warning: This is a great way to up your self esteem and confidence when you express your obsession openly as so! So, emos, Goths, er, people who sit in the back and are total loners? Maybe to keep up the reputation you shouldn't wildly apply to these steps…

* * *

Tenth Way To Obsess Over Misa

Commit suicide in the end! I know, you are giving the screen the 'wtf' look and cocking an eyebrow but, in the final act of her never to happen love, the loss of Light drove her to commit suicide…what a shame, she could actually have made some real cash as a prostitute…

Tip: Have someone videotape you jumping of a building, shooting yourself in the head, slitting your throat, uhh, drowning yourself in the bathtub!?

Tip: Make I dramatic and leave an impression that you really cared about Misa's obsession over Light and totally feel the same!

Warning: Okay, antidepressants and antipsychotic meds come into play here! Don't ever let your parents see some death plans you've written out and a suicide note laying somewhere! It just ain't right damn it!

Warning: Er, mental institute anyone?

Warning: I highly, like, a 99.9 percent sure no one will go to them lengths to prove they're mimicking a fictional anime character and obsessing over the same guy as said person…dur!

* * *

I'm done with the chapter! Woohoos! To meeee!

How did you like it? Please review! It makes me…happy! Yeah, that's the word!

As for all of you, you were wrong. I'm sorry, Misa was next on my list but, who's next? Take a guess! Put in a review!

Whoever gets it right will…get…a? I don't know! I guess you can have whatever you request which is reasonable and debatable!

Don't be surprised when you don't guess correctly though! This person is probably gonna be a minor character…and…hell! I'm not giving it away!

Review. Now. Please?!


	5. Matsuda

70 Ways To Obsess Over Death Note Characters

Dear Reader,

I'm sure you've watched all the Death Note anime in both sub and dub, plus have read the manga, collected plushies, drawn, and maybe even dreamt fantasies over one or more characters. So, this fic goes out to all that have, or will, or have just thought of doing so.

The following processes may be hazardous to your health and other surrounding pedestrians so when you're thinking about becoming a suicide bomber, please do so in a non populated area!

Or maybe when you take up smoking and playing video games as an OCD like Matt, beware of cancer and seizures. You have been warned so, these are some habits to create to display your affection for all characters of Death Note!

Attention: I don't own Death Note but, some ideas I've made up for obsession purposes, then yes, I do own those.

* * *

Chapter 5: Matsuda!!

First Way To Obsess Over Matsuda

Being a total idiot is something Matsuda is really good at even though it's probably not the smartest thing he could be doing while trying to help solve a murder case.

Yeah, brilliant, totally useless when he's actually needed…oh well, the L impersonators could always have their own personal slaves.

Warning: People sometimes look down upon ignorance so, unless you honestly want to be pelted with supplies often found in a task force office (ex. Stapler, Mogi, remote control, numerous cell phones, pointy pens, computer monitors, uhh Mogi again just for kicks, and probably some other things like a oh-so random baseball bat or a nail file that Misa left behind.), yeeeaaaah, I firmly suggest that either you have ninja skills and gracefulness to dodge on-coming objects or you might as well be making funeral arrangements.

Warning: Speaking of funeral arrangements, ignorance/stupidity/or otherwise will also sometimes result in you getting your ass kicked…life insurance for your near-death experiences, dental care for your missing teeth, car insurance in case you're idiotic enough to kill yourself when even a caveman can drive correctly in a high speed chase.

* * *

Second Way To Obsess Over Matsuda

A lackey is a very rewarding career choice if you have the following characteristics:

You can plug in a coffee maker.

Balance many plates of cake and sweets on a plate at once.

You are very seldom referred to in a conversation and don't mind.

You don't care if others totally diss and hate on you for being yourself.

You're utterly hopeless when it comes to actual work ethic talent…

So, indeed if any of the qualities above match your personality, you will so make an awesome pack mule and servant to you L-like master.

Tip: Always try and please your superiors because they're known as you're superiors for a reason. Do not try and out smart them because you will epically fail and end up with a frying pan flying and hitting you in the nose.

Tip: Try and act like you're smart and say something but then be utterly disappointed when your master (insert L impersonator) shoots your idea or opinion down to the depths of oblivion.

Warning: This continuous abuse may result in depression, lack of self confidence, lack of motivation, lack of sexual interest, little voices in your head that resemble those who're smarter than you, insomnia because you are tired of being harassed by them in your dreams, and other things such as attempted suicide or suicidal thoughts may occur in frequency.

* * *

Third Way To Obsess Over Matsuda

Act reckless and almost get yourself killed while trying, attempting at least, to be at some use and prove your worthy of breathing the air others like L and Mello breathe!

To the anxiety of others on the task force who will most likely have to bail you out of trouble, I openly suggest that you can depend on them to rescue you or else…you're screwed both ways.

If you die then, yeah, that's one way and if you're saved but then even more hated than before then that's another.

Tip: Test your ability to act drunk (Seriously don't really get drunk and walk on the edge of a building you idiot, I know that's what you thought so don't lie!) and walk in a straight line from a small height at first.

Try to take gymnastics to improve your balancing abilities or maybe yoga or something along them lines.

Tip: Always have a back up plan when you're highly doubting your supposed friends will help you because when your left out on your own, improvising isn't the easiest damn thing to do.

Warning: MAY RESULT IN DEATH!!

Warning: may end in an epic failure so a kick to the groin and a badly bruised ego for you! Too bad, you really shouldn't admire Matsuda if you don't plan on dying young…

* * *

Fourth Way To Obsess Over Matsuda

Start believing in the mass murderer/Kira/serial killer/ Dark Imagay/Light Yagami/ Death Note Wielder as an actual good guy! Oh now you've turned your back on your superior slave driver and you're going to the dark side…or in this case, Light's side.

Ha ha, you hear me laughing at my little pun so, yeah, it really wasn't that funny…kinda in a cheesy canned cheese way where its in a canister like whipped cream, you know…oh forget it, you people are such haters…

Tip: Don't tell this to L-impersonator's face because he won't accuse you of being Kira because he knows that you are obviously too stupid to understand the complexity and decisive moves of killing without being found out.

Warning: While working on a Kira Task Force you honestly aren't there to make a truce and try and hide the fact that even though they're criminals, they are still people in which case makes him a murderer!

Warning: Don't fall for the enemy because then you're even more hopeless…than usual that is.

* * *

Fifth Way To Obsess Over Matsuda

Attempt to hopelessly flirt with Kira's younger sister, Sayu. For this, you could probably just pick any random girl with brown hair that matches her…simple as that!

Tip: Don't try too hard because if you already epically fail at hitting on someone, there's no chance you'll even make a slight good impression…whatsoever.

Tip: If you can flirt, fail on purpose because not only can people laugh their asses off at your rejection and failure but you can later go back and get a second chance and redeem yourself.

Warning: This actually doesn't have very many! Sooooo, here they are:

Issue 1: Don't use bad pick up lines on makeshift Sayu, she will stomp on your toe, bite your arm and run away cackling like Ryuk after stealing a fruit vendor's apple cart.

Issue 2: There will be humility involved so if you have any personal problems you don't want flaunted out in public then don't even bother proceeding with trying to be Matsuda because you're obviously not addicted enough to be a full-fledged Touta Junky.

Issue 3: Don't unconsciously insult her because once again, you will be injured, most likely a knee to the groin and a bitch-slap across the face, twice because ou just ouched their ass and pissed them off also.

* * *

Sooooooooooo, how did I do? I apologize for the long wait! Don't jump me in an alley and pelt me with rubber duckies while splatting bubble soap in my eyes cuz that shit burns and I'd be depressed and probably crying…because the soap that is *shifteh eyes*

Anyways, if you're gonna complain about the only five Matsuda obsessive ways then go right ahead because I take full responsibility for my lack of imagination and mental block. Also, I know they sucked and I'm not at all remotely funny so, yeah, you can tell me that in a review also because I just love hate mail! *note the sarcasm pleaseeeeee!*

Oh well, hope ya'll enjoyed because now instead of just seven characters to be used I'm gonna shoot for another five or six or seven characters! I'll just list them now so you'll have something to look forward to!

(They aren't in any particular order!)

*Takada (Ughh, that's gonna be so difficult cuz I honestly despise her.)

*Matt (Gotta have my Geek in Da Pink!)

*Near (He's a main character sooooo, that's kinda important…ya think!?)

*Ryuk (Oh man, that is gonna be hilarious cuz I can think of like twenty off the top of my head! *evil laugh/cackle*

*Watari (Hey, old men can be idols too you know! My idol is Dr. Suess!)

*Beyond Birthday (I've actually gotten a few requests for Beyond so he's a definite maybe!)

*Mikami (Awwww, everyone wants to be like the Kira fan boy and stab himself with a pen and probably start hyperventilating cuz of his apparent rabies!)


	6. Matt

70 Ways To Obsess Over Death Note Characters

Dear Reader,

I'm sure you've watched all the Death Note anime in both sub and dub, plus have read the manga, collected plushies, drawn, and maybe even dreamt fantasies over one or more characters. So, this fic goes out to all that have, or will, or have just thought of doing so.

The following processes may be hazardous to your health and other surrounding pedestrians so when you're thinking about becoming a suicide bomber, please do so in a non populated area!

Or maybe when you take up smoking and playing video games as an OCD like Matt, beware of cancer and seizures. You have been warned so, these are some habits to create to display your affection for all characters of Death Note!

Attention: I don't own Death Note but, some ideas I've made up for obsession purposes, then yes, I do own those.

* * *

Chapter 6: Matt

First Way To Obsess Over Matt

Sport some awesome goggles! I mean seriously! The goggles are kickass!

Tip: Try a costume store first! Haha, that's the easy way! If you're too lazy, snatch up some swimming goggles that are orange-y red tinted!

Warning: I'm not for sure but…is it possible to go color blind by wearing tinted sunglasses everywhere? Don't take this warning too seriously because I'm not certain it's a problem but anything's possible! Go see and optometrist monthly if you have seeing troubles!

Warning: Ok…driving down the road in tinted orange goggles will handicap you. Do NOT mistake the traffic light colors! I mean, road ragers will not be impressed with your obsessions when they sue you for their car repairs!

Make sure to be accurate when you're looking for their turning signals and all that! We don't want to have any accidents!

Warning: If you really love Matt, don't put the goggles on too tight…they leave marks, hons. You don't need to cut off the circulation because if you kill your brain cells, you are likely to lose your love for Matt first! Oh noess!

* * *

Second Way To Obsess Over Matt

Wear some stripy shirts and patched pants with big boots, a fur jacket, and long black gloves! I mean, it is his signature look!

Woot to all the cosplayers haha! Yeah it's not the most original idea but it sure as hell helps when obsessing!

Tip: If you need a good reference when you think of Matt, look at the Hamburglar. You know…the McDonalds kid…don't give me those blank stares! DX

Tip: Just go to a cosplaying store…plz. Don't do the whole homemade patchwork jeans, your mother's outdated fur coat with its sleeves wacked off, and your older siblings striped long sleeve shirt…just invest in a costume guys geez!

Warning: When it is extremely hot outside and you are in your Matt get-up, stay down! You know there's no reason to have a heat stroke while walking down the street, shouting to the world that you love Matt!

Warning: Matt dies in the series…sorry but it's true. Do not try and reenact the scene where he gets shot multiple times by the police…it's not worth it!

When you're dressed up like Matt and the only time you really see him is getting shot and killed basically, it's uncalled for to take you addiction to the grave, people!

* * *

Third Way To Obsess Over Matt

Smoking gives people the impression that you can be cool like Matt!

Tip: Just smoke while driving, sitting around, when you are being held at gunpoint, etc, etc, etc.

Warning: WHY ARE YOU SMOKING! Why don't you do something else? Like maybe uhh, the first and second ideas!

Warning: Smoking is…bad for you.

Warning: The surgeon general says that tobacco causes short and long term effects that can injure you or disable you permanently…

Warning: Just ignore this way of obsessing…I will feel bad if you get cancer! :'(

* * *

Fourth Way To Obsess Over Matt

Get a bowl cut with red hair! I mean…it's not the most stylish thing but it works, right?

I'm sure Matt would approve of your messy mop of hair if he could see you!

Tip: Umm, go to a hair salon and get this done? I mean you could get an actual bowl and chop off your hair and dye it with koolaid but…yeah.

Tip: Ok, Matt's hair is red! It's not green, brown or any other color! The way the series is, the light distorts the color, geez! It's like…red! You know…references being tomato, fire truck…blood even!

Warning: You may get tired of having short hair that's red…really quick. And hair isn't really the fastest growing thing sooo…you should be certain you are ready to take your obsession to this level!

Especially girls!

Warning: Red hair doesn't really compliment everything you wear…you might look similar to a Christmas ornament if you deck out the green clothes…

Warning: Haha, this idea really made me laugh when I thought about it! You may be confused with a leprechaun! Hahaha…ok, it may not be that funny to you guys but-whatever!

Pale skin, red hair…yeah! Leprechaun! If you are short then this really affects you! (A/N: I'm short and with freckles and I have natural red tint to my hair and my friends really do claim me to be part leprechaun sooo…idk, haha)

* * *

Fifth Way To Obsess Over Matt

Have a nonchalant attitude and be kind of antisocial. It's really not that hard! The longer the time you spend alone, the better off you will be!

Just think about it! All the time in the world to obsess and contemplate Matt's existence!

Tip: Just get in a corner and sit there…thinking of Matt. When you're hungry just grab something from your stash and enjoy! No need to rely on anyone to provide for you.

Tip: When you are having to talk to people for some reason, just nod your head and give generic answers while you are still being stand-offish!

Warning: Being a social reject isn't necessarily a good thing…at all since humans are supposed to communicate…but whatever!

Warning: If you ever want to talk to someone about your loving obsession towards Matt that could be…an epic failure because no one would want to hear your voice haha…

My imagination sucks today doesn't it?

* * *

Sixth Way To Obsess Over Matt

Play a hell of a lot of video games! Be the gamer Matt would want you to be!

Tip: Practice your thumb and eye coordination! Yay! Haha, wow…this might be the easiest obsessing thing ever!

Warning: Playing video games for hours without end is damaging to your eyesight…well, that's what I have been told sooo, do the gamer obsession in moderation, ok?

If you can't see then you can't review my story! Or finish reading the other ways to obsess! Noooo, the horror! DX

Warning: Umm, if you beat Matt's high scores he will get envious from the grave? Haha, don't judge me for my sucky idea! :-P

* * *

Seventh Way To Obsess Over Matt

Come in third place all the time! I mean…bronze isn't bad! It shows you are bright but not a total nutcase genius or a dumbass sooo yay!

Tip: Study but don't try too hard when it comes to proving your knowledge! If you're best friend is really crazy about how smart they are (Mello obsession peeps) , you probably don't want to outshine them!

Tip: When you know all the answers to a test because you are normally a smarticles person, for Matt's sake, just pick the wrong answer on purpose!

Warning: If you ever want to succeed in life…it's better to do the best you can instead of going just for the average, you know?

Give a 110% to whatever you're doing haha…that's kind of contradictory because if you are trying really hard to be like Matt then you aren't trying hard enough of knowledge but if you want to be successful with education you flunk being a Matt-supporter sooooo, yeah! ^^

* * *

Eighth Way To Obsess Over Matt

Agree with everything you're friend says because you are a loyal companion even though he treats you like a dog!

Mello…why do you have to treat Matt like he doesn't matter!

Tip: Don't take it seriously when your friend is being pissy and cussing you out because in the long run, he will eventually admit that he truly respects you…even though it may be right after you get shot to hell and your death was broadcasted live. T.T

Tip: Don't argue back! Even though you actually have an equal temper with your friend, remember you are the Matt of the relationship and therefore you need to be the laid-back, indifferent one of the friendship!

Warning: Some of it may get old because everyone hates to be walked over then stomped on…it just isn't right sooo when you finally get fed up with it, don't be afraid to push aside your Matt obsession long enough to through your boot at said friend!

Tip for a Warning: Make sure you have gum, dog shit, or something on the bottom of your shoe…adding salt to a wound always helps! It makes breaking your compulsive exercises worth while!

* * *

Ninth Way To Obsess Over Matt

Help with kidnapping someone! Takada needed to be killed off, seriously! Matt was a great distraction or the Japanese police! He was so brave! T.T he dies! Wahhh!

Tip: When choosing to kidnap someone and you are the diversion to keep people from finding your friend and the kidnap victim, it's best to keep a low profile! Don't be whipping through town in a red car…like in the series! Do you want to die!

Tip: Try and put A LOT of space between you and the officers when they are tailing you and DON'T get in a road block where they surround you! Escape is impossible at that point!

Warning: Kidnap is illegal…and if you're going to say "Oh well, I didn't kidnap anyone! I just made sure the police didn't find out where my buddy was taking them!" Umm, you people should know that assisting to kidnap someone is still abduction, duh!

You will likely be charged and sent to prison and won't get to obsess over Matt! The good thing is though is that you may be able to wear the old fashion black and white striped jumpsuit! Yeah…go to Obsession Way #2 and you will see that yes! The striped shirt will work!

* * *

Tenth Way to Obsess Over Matt

Die listening to your best friend while trying to sweet talk the police! Matt dies trying to convince the police that they didn't have to kill him…

Tip: Practice your negotiating skills…you really probably don't want to die trying to cover up your best friend's tracks…be a kiss ass! It's better than being killed!

Tip: If your friend really gave a shit about you…they wouldn't put you in the situation to begin with! Mello! Why the hell did you do that to poor Matt!

Warning: If you suck at convincing people then…well you're screwed! Haha, that's just a fact I guess…not much to say there!

Warning: Possible death…obviously.

Geez, if you can't sway them then I guess they will either kill you on the spot since the person you abduct is probably a famous spokesperson (cough cough bitch cough cough) or they will taser you and take you to jail…at least you will get a uniform! ^^

* * *

Hello! I finally posted a new chapter! What now, beotches! Haha, I finally overcame the writer's block, swallowed my laziness, and got to work! Yay!

Two hours of teeth grinding, much used backspace key, and banging my head against the mental wall multiple times finally produced this baby!

Hope you guys appreciate my efforts, haha. I try to please my peeps, I really do! I guess that's why my username is Goody Not-So-Great Me hehe…I'm imperfect, I know!

Anyways, fave, subscribe, reviews are lovely and much needed for my motivation sooooo, yeah!

Be expecting Near next! Then probably Beyond Birthday! I'm not certain of that but that's what is most likely gonna be posted!

Luffles ya'll,

~Goody!

AKA the Imperfectionist! Haha!

:)


	7. Near

**70 Ways To Obsess Over Death Note Characters**

**Hellooo! Goody here with chapter SEVEN! WOOT for my great epicness in updating and posting! :) I really have nothing to say soooo, yeah! R&R, HELL YEAH! XD**

**Dear Reader,**

**I'm sure you've watched all the Death Note anime in both sub and dub, plus have read the manga, collected plushies, drawn, and maybe even dreamt fantasies over one or more characters. So, this fic goes out to all that have, or will, or have just thought of doing so.**

**The following processes may be hazardous to your health and other surrounding pedestrians so when you're thinking about becoming a suicide bomber, please do so in a non populated area!**

**Or maybe when you take up smoking and playing video games as an OCD like Matt, beware of cancer and seizures. You have been warned so, these are some habits to create to display your affection for all characters of Death Note!**

**Attention: I don't own Death Note but, some ideas I've made up for obsession purposes, then yes, I do own those.**

**Chapter 7: Near**

* * *

First Way To Obsess Over Near

Dress in your PJs! I mean, Daaaaamn…how easy is that! Haha, Just deck out some white pajamas and viola! You're on your way to being a sheep, kid!

Tip: Well, just buy some white pajamas…not much there duh! Simple plan…haha, yes there are a such thing as pajamas not printed with your fave cartoon characters or whatever!

Warning: If you're the paranoid type of person who freaks about everything hospital related because of the sanitary conditions and whatever, you may find that wearing all white makes you paranoid and you began to think that they're trying to send you away to a mental institution!

That's right, run! Run, my Near-y sheep obsessed readers, run like you're not tripping over your extra long pj bottoms while attempting to outrun the bloodhounds! XD

* * *

Second Way To Obsess Over Near

Play with Toys! Woot! Toys! Toys! Yay! Haha, time for everyone to go back to the inner child and be like Near! :) Yet another easy way to obsess haha!

Tip: Maybe buy thousands of dice and try to build giant towers like Near! XD How cool would that be! Just think of how it will be when it eventually tumbles over onto you O.O (Anime tears streaming down your face!)

Tip: Puzzles! Many, many blank white puzzles to put together! Don't let your brain spasm when you keep asking yourself, "Why the fackin' hell aren't they going together!"

The answer to your question, is they just don't XP!

Tip: Add puppets to your entire collection to make things funny! Make a little Mello-Yello, Matty-kinz, Kira, L, and whoever else you want! Haha make the puppets do weird pervy things to each other! :)

Warning: Small pieces such as the dice can choke you to death if you attempt to swallow one or chew on it…Near doesn't chew on his toys like a deranged dog! Don't die being an idiot!

Warning: You can trip when you step on a toy in the dead of night sooo if you wanna play with your toys near the stairs then I suggest you pick them up like a responsible albino kid or else you, your parents, or someone else could break they neck or injure themselves.

It's not that you should be worried about them or anything, you need to make sure to quickly put a bandage on it where the hospital bill won't cost that much where you can get more TOYS!

Warning: Don't buy the toys with lead paint in them or lead anywhere in your toys…it's toxic and you could die. Buy the GOOD toys! Cuz if you're dead then you can't buy MORE TOYS! DUH!

* * *

Third Way To Obsess Over Near

Use the toys to reenact your theories! Sha-bam! Get some legos, paint the faces of everyone on them like Near did then viola! You can use them in your own version of the Kira Investigation or something! XD

Tip: Use paint that won't rub off when you touch it sooo maybe plastic paint? Haha…I don't really know if there's even a such thing as plastic paint, shows how smart I am!

Warning: Umm, the warning is about the lead paint…again. I don't really see what's wrong about using the toys in your own reenactments….sooooo I guess that's it. I'm sorry guys! I suck!

* * *

Fourth Way To Obsess Over Near

Be smarter than everyone else! You. Must. Outshine. Every damn person! It is your calling in life if your want to obsess over Near and be just like him!

Tip: Read and study ALL THE TIME. Keep researching every bit of knowledge you can while you eat, are out with friends-no, scratch that! Cancel all your social life things because Near wouldn't approve of leaving your studies unattended!

Tip: Only watch science channels and news channels on TV to make sure you are up to date on all headlines concerning the people around the world!

Warning: Your friends and family will soon disown you if you fail to talk and communicate with them…becoming a social recluse and sticking in a corner with a bunch of research textbooks and shit…

Warning: Reading for hours without end can cause sight problems, especially squinting at small print and trying to memorize each detail…make sure to put your health before your obsession! How many times do I have to repeat this for you all to finally obey! It's not like I want you all to injure yourselves following MY SUGGESTIONS…it's disheartening losing my readers T^T

Warning: Talk about migraines and severe headaches! Anyone who reads that much while cramming all that information into their brain is going to need some strong damn aspirin to subside the tension headaches and whatnot! Carry around a bottle of your favorite brand pain relievers but don't overdose! DUH!

* * *

Fifth Way To Obsess Over Near

Sit hunched over with one leg pulled up to your chest! It's both uncomfortable and weird but successful! With your entire cosplay gear and knowledge, you shall pwn all others when it comes to being a Near fan! You shall triumph above all!

Tip: Just watch him in the anime…learn from the master, right? It's that simple! Yay for the simplicity!

Warning: Sitting hunched may be damaging to your spine since you're probably still growing and I'm sure no one wants to end up looking like L whenever they walk…

Warning: Also, sitting hunched with your leg pulled up to your chest for prolonged times could cause some severe cramps that will indeed hurt like a bitch! So, personally I would only suggest you do the pose on not many occasions unless you like, attend daily yoga lol!

* * *

Sixth Way To Obsess Over Near

Play with your hair in a cute way! Yes, everyone who is anyone knows that Near has that ability to play with his hair so cutely you just wanna glomp him and huggle him to no end!

Tip: Practice in the mirror and try to be exactly like him! I mean, twirling your hair can't be that difficult, right? Oh, and if that doesn't work just use the wig instead of your regular hair to make it more realistic!

Tip: If you do want to go as far as having permanent Near hair to twirl kawii-ly then I suggest bleaching multiple times then dying white and chomping it off short like a bowl cut put have some perm to make the ends easier to curl with your finger!

Warning: Don't be narcissist…and become obsessed with the fact that you can copy Near almost perfectly…it's just not right haha.

Warning: Bleaching your hair isn't really healthy sooo, don't do it! For real! And don't even dye your hair white, you'll like a white-haired old person when you're not! JUST. USE. THE. WIG. PEOPLE.

* * *

Seventh Way To Obsess Over Near

Be calm and emotionless; deep, calm breaths…

Tip: Attend yoga! Or some daily class to control your emotions…totally not sure what they're called. Feelings coordinator? Haha, I really just made that up off the top of my head…

Warning: Being calm all the time can be a good thing in most situations but in some instances, freaking out is a GOOD THING. Like, I don't know, a family member died say…your parents (Near's case) showing that you care means that you aren't just stuck up bitch that doesn't fucking care about anyone but themselves and it gives you character!

Warning: Again, being calm and emotionless with make you seem more and more increasingly like Near…beware of your dwindling social status! It will decrease more and more in turn too you know!

* * *

Eighth Way To Obsess Over Near

Have a horrible social life! Haha, FINALLY, we have reached the point I've been getting at the whole time! Near has no real friends…consider that a good or bad thing! Lose the friends you have or not have to worry about getting friendships in the first place? For the serious Near Obsessors, please just come to the dark side and abandon the social aspect of life altogether!

Tip: Just lock yourself in a room and play with your toys like a person way too old to be playing with legos and puppets would do (coughNEARcough)

Warning: Blah, blah, blah…no friends, depression, not having anyone to rely on but yourself…yeah, point made. Being lonely sucks! But everything comes at a price I guess…

* * *

Ninth Way To Obsess Over Near

Work with your opposite and hated friend to solve a huge crime! Hell yeah! Mello and Near working together kinda offhandedly to take down Imagay! Woot! It's the classic Near obsession such as not really having a grudge in the first place but making the person that despises you the most befriend you right before they die…

Tip: being your usual Near self would probably be enough of an incentive to make most people hate your guts so that's really not something you have to worry about that much…

Tip: To make things seem more like Near and Mello's actual relationship, I say you should find someone that both hates you AND cosplays as Mello! That would be the best, most convenient way to enjoy your little fantasy obsession over the white-haired Near!

Warning: Umm…well, Near doesn't die so you don't have to be concerned about dying hehe….just don't have any feelings for your so-called enemy who does die, not the best ending!

* * *

Tenth Way To Obsess Over Near

Be the leader of a giant crime fighting work force! Yay, you're the admiral, the leader, the president, dictator of awesomeness, and pristine ruler above everyone else's' unholy asses as you shall call all the shots and make the most fate-determining decisions for your task force crew members!

Tip: Be a good leader and don't let that leadership go to your head! Near didn't so let's keep your obsession there too…no need for some crazy ass dictator trying to take over the world like Light did at the first jump at control…

Warning: Being a leader might mean also sacrificing the lives of your cohorts…don't have any attachments to them and feel grateful to have them on your side I guess…

Warning: Being a leader of a crime-fighting task force may also mean that your life is in jeopardy…BE SRONG FOR YOU ARE THE ULTIMATE NEAR OBSESSOR EVER!

* * *

**Sooo, like? I hope you all did because this was kind of a hard one for me to do actually…pretty surprising since all I could think of was how hellishly awful Near's social life is lol! Hmmm, not much to say except I'm severely tired and finally finished this chappie after slaving over it for almost an hour, *sigh***

**Uhh, the usual, please? Fave, subscribe, review, then wait for the next update okay my wonderful readers? And yes, for all of you who take this seriously, please don't. *facepalms* this is a fic for a reason…I dun wanna see chu guys hurt T^T.**

**Buh Bye!**

**~~Goody**

**^3^**


	8. Ryuk

**70 Ways To Obsess Over Death Note Characters**

**Yay! Finally! The last few ways to obsess…or is it? *trying to confuse thy readers* Well, I guess you might as well read these last few concerning Ryuk! Then, at the bottom, there's my wondrous Author's Note telling you about the rest! Sooo, read my loyal readers! It is your destiny says said-Goody fortune cookie! XD**

**Dear Reader,**

**I'm sure you've watched all the Death Note anime in both sub and dub, plus have read the manga, collected plushies, drawn, and maybe even dreamt fantasies over one or more characters. So, this fic goes out to all that have, or will, or have just thought of doing so.**

**The following processes may be hazardous to your health and other surrounding pedestrians so when you're thinking about becoming a suicide bomber, please do so in a non populated area!**

**Or maybe when you take up smoking and playing video games as an OCD like Matt, beware of cancer and seizures. You have been warned so, these are some habits to create to display your affection for all characters of Death Note!**

**Attention: I don't own Death Note but, some ideas I've made up for obsession purposes, then yes, I do own those.**

**Chapter 8: Ryuk**

* * *

First Way To obsess over Ryuk

Become obsessed with apples! We all know that Ryuk is in love with the yummy earth fruit that you can probably buy at any grocery store! Plus, ALWAYS make sure to eat said apples at a rapid speed like you just can't get enough of them!

Plus, every time you pick up the apple, first thing you have to do is the apple dance for about five minutes to cherish your apple fetish like Ryuk did…not that hard!

Tip: This is probably an all-time easy obsessive habit to form…that is if you like apples haha. If you don't like apples then let's just say that Ryuk would be the most disappointed in you and probably disown you as being his Obsessor…

Warning: Are there any health risks at stake when eating numerous apples…I don't really know because I'm just a teenage girl writing this sooo…if there are any, I'm sure you will die if since Ryuk is already dead and can't catch diseases or whatever! Sucks for us humans!

Warning: Oh! Oh! I have a warning! Don't choke on the apple core! Especially when you trying to hurry and chomp on it like Ryuk does…except he has razor sharp teeth and you have like thirty-two not so sharp teeth with like four canines? I'm guessing here people! I only paid attention to those damned dentist office posters because I was bored out of my mind when I was six!

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Second Way To Obsess Over Ryuk

Apple withdrawal time! Once you run out of your precious apples you must proceed to twist your body into the shape of a pretzel (Owie…hate to be one of you Ryuk fans!) and then do handstands until you finally have someone retrieve you an apple!

Tip: I would suggest some type of flexibility exercises before you even ATTEMPT to do this because since Ryuk has unnaturally long limbs its probably easier done by a Shinigami than an actual person…obviously!

Sooo, gymnastics to learn the handstand and I don't have any damn idea what teaches you to twist your body into a pretzel for the hell of the sake of obsessing…

Tip: Make sure you little human friend you're attached to is present whenever you go into spazz out mode or else you may possibly be stuck in that position for a VERY long time…point made.

Warning: Don't snap your neck while attempting to get into the proper position! Like I'm probably going to say many times more: You. Are. Not. Dead. And. Therefore. Won't. Survive. Like. A. Shinigami. Would. Okay?

Warning: Along with snapping your neck, you may pull many muscles; dislocate your arm, leg, or something along those medical lines when trying to get into your apple-withdrawal stage. Be prepared for the pain that may (most likely to definitely) ensue.

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Third Way To Obsess Over Ryuk

Be really bored one day and climb to the top of some hellishly tall building and drop a death note down to the ground outside some school and wait for some loser guy (coughYagamicough) to pick it up!

You may have to attempt to float down there to pluck it out of the garbage a couple times and repeat the process multiple times before a Light look-alike finds interest in it though…

Tip: Whenever you get the impulse to show up in the middle of the night to introduce yourself to the unlucky guy then make sure you're FLOATING! I know it's humanly impossible but there's a thing called improvising people! Learn it!

Warning: When stalking the person and finding your way inside their house, make sure that you don't scare them enough they try and kill you aka the intruder…you aren't dead…yet! And I'm sure impersonating Ryuk will not land you a secure spot as a death god.

Warning: This whole thing is going to take a lot of patience and time, seriously! The whole entire Kira case starts with you because of your boredom and idea to amuse yourself by fucking around with the mortals!

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Fourth Way To Obsess Over Ryuk

When doing all of this stuff concerning Ryuk, you might as well look like the little beastie he is! I mean, what better way to fill the role as a death god than to appear as one? Hint, hint! Plus, behaving like him would also kinda play out in the role too!

Tip: Use a clown as your reference! Ryuk is rather…creepy, psycho clownish! Let's just go with blue tinted skin and a lotta facial makeup to perceive his appearance!

Sooo, when you spend almost two or three hours painting your entire body and getting dressed in a black-colored ensemble…please don't go out in the rain and make your entire then-wasted time slide down the drain! It's a train wreck in the making so just stay in the comfort of your home!

Tip: Kyakakakakakakakakaaaaa! Is something similar to Ryuk's inhumanly laughter which never ceases to disturbed me…very much.

So, just throw your head back and practice that awful cackling until you have it down pat. Then, with your entire getup ready, go out on the street and randomly ask people if they see you and then proceed with the cackling when they ask you if you're all right!

Warning: Don't give people heart attacks when they see you…the elderly most likely don't watch anime or read manga in their old state of being and if you whip out your death note and pretend to read their death above their head and write down some random name and yell, "You will die!"…you may actually succeed in scaring them to death.

To be arrested and charged with murder under them circumstances well…it's sad knowing that your last days of freedom were terrorizing the citizens and killing them off with your deranged Ryuk qualities! In the interrogation room, make sure to tell the officer ALL about Ryuk the Shinigami and how you could kill him off in a minute if you wanted to…threatening a police figure will also land you another charge or two!

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Fifth Way To Obsess over Ryuk

If you somehow avoid jail time for accidently murdering someone then I'm sure you wouldn't mind killing off Light (aka your brunette psycho you talked into ridding the world of evil and asking him to play along with your obsession) in the end. Now, I know the ending of the manga and anime differ sooo, here's two different ways!

Tip: If you favor the manga version then whenever Light is begging you to write down the SPK members and investigation team's names into the death note, you go right ahead and without any shame, write down Light's name and pretend (or actually kill him somehow) then return to the Shinigami realm when you have nothing else to do in the human world…such an epic ending right? You may wanna repeat this stage multiple times to perfect it eventually!

Tip: In the anime, you decide that wasting away while stuck with Light serving his prison sentence isn't worth you time so while your sitting atop a freakishly tall pole you write down Light's name and return to the Shinigami realm anyways.

In both cases, you're allowed to repeat this over and over until you're either caught by the police or die from self-inflicted injury while impersonating Ryuk.

Warning: In the case where you are actually KILLING people (something that I don't suggest you take seriously), eh, I'm sure the government policies are different from where everyone lives sooo, electric chair, life sentences, lethal injections…hangings maybe…I dunno, medieval decapitation, limbs being attached to different horses and ripped off…really cruel shit like that, I'm not certain.

Warning; Once again, I must say that you are not the doer of the impossible since you're actually not a death god…therefore, when attempting to return to the Shinigami realm you, oh, let's say fall down and get ran over by a truck…you won't LIVE DUMBASS!

Shinigami equals death by helping humans, saving one's life by having an infatuation towards a mortal. Human equals death by disease, health problems, accidents, stabbings, murders, rapes, and all that bad crap. See? Two totally different prospects where in most cases, shinigamis come out scot free and you die! Sooo, thumbs up to all of you who are actually batshit crazy enough to pay no mind to my revelation!

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**Sigh! I'm finally FUCKING DOOONE! *does happy dance!* All seventy ways have been completed! Yet…somehow I feel as though my work here still isn't done…*ponders why Goody-chan feels this way***

**Oh yeah! Some of you made requests like I know Beyond Birthday for sure and I haven't really done him yet sooo…are there any others that you guys would like to read and possibly obsess over because of my crude, not-so funny ideas? Well, any of you who have ideas, you're welcome to PM me, or simply leave a review asking for a certain DN person. ^^**

**I hope you happily enjoyed all my chapters and whatnot and weren't too horribly bored to near death by my bad humorless attempts at crack jokes!**

**Remember to review, fave, and still subscribe! *cheers for joy***

**~~Goody-chan :)**


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